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We all remember the firsts in our lives. Our first day of school, our first day in college, and our first day at work — but out of all the firsts what really sticks in our head is our first love.​

But why is first love such a big deal after all?

According to Art Aron, the Psychology professor at the State University of New York, “Our first experience of something is going to be well remembered, more than later experiences. Presumably, there’d be more arousal and excitement, especially if it’s somewhat scary. And falling in love is somewhat scary — you’re afraid you’ll be rejected, you’re afraid you won’t live up to their expectations, afraid they won’t live up to yours. Anxiety is a big part of falling in love, especially the first time.”

First love experience is also magnified in our brain because our brain and bodies are flushed with all the chemicals and love hormones for the first time and the novelty of the experience sticks in our head.

"I think from a biochemical point of view, you are experiencing certain hormones you haven’t felt before. It's like going through puberty; it's physical, it's emotional, it's intellectual. It can even be spiritual for some people," explains dating expert and psychologist Melanie Schilling.

Our first love relationship is also “formative” because it becomes a blueprint for how we define love. It becomes a sort of template against which all our successive relationships are measured.

Whether we get to spend the rest of our lives with our first love or not, these are the beautiful gems of wisdom we can take away from our first love experience:

1. It shows us what it feels like to deeply connect with someone.

Our first love experience shows us what it feels like to deeply connect with someone and what emotional support and intimacy feel like. Regardless of how the relationship ends, it gives us a chance to experience the entire spectrum of all the beautiful emotions that love entails.

2. We learn how to put others before ourselves.

Our first love teaches us to look beyond ourselves and extend ourselves for another. It teaches us what it feels like to love someone unconditionally. It teaches us how to put our ego aside and grow together. These are invaluable lessons that help us in any successive relationships that we form in life.

3. We learn how to communicate and work out our problems.

Our first love is the learning ground where we navigate how to communicate and work out our problems. We get to learn what works and what doesn’t through trial and error. It teaches us how to create a safe and loving space for healthy communication.

4. We realize what we want in a relationship and what our deal breakers are.

Our first relationship helps us to explore ourselves and increases our self-awareness. It helps us to discover our liking and preferences. It makes us realize what we want and value in a relationship and what our absolute deal breakers are. All these learning help us to choose our partners wisely next time.

5. It inspires us to be a better person.

First love has the intensity and a childlike innocence. The sheer magic of first love and companionship makes us want to believe in the goodness of the world. We want to become a better person and give back that love many folds.

6. We understand the difference between infatuation and mature love.

Our first love experience teaches us to differentiate between infatuation and mature love. We realize that love doesn’t mean spending every waking minute together or being co-dependent. It teaches us that the butterflies in the stomach fade away and real love requires work. We learn to embrace honesty, vulnerability, acceptance, companionship and working as a team. We learn that mature love is when two people come together and support each other to become their highest possible version without losing their individuality in the process.

7. We realize we can survive heartache and love again.

There is no denying the fact that the heartbreak after our first love relationship is excruciatingly painful. But we learn to survive the heartache and move on. It teaches us that if we can open up our hearts to love once, we can do it again and wisely next time around.

"Prepare for my mid-semester exams."

It covers everything we have done. My duty is to give you the big picture so that young intellectuals like you will search for the rest.

I can’t give you everything here. We shall meet again on Monday.

Have a fruitful weekend.”

Those were the words of my Political Thought II lecturer, Mr Henry Yartey.

It was a hectic day; everyone in the lecture hall looked tired and the anxiety to leave the lecture hall was running apace.

As we made our steps out of the hall, the sound of the raindrops on the roof of the building could wake up a dead body.

Trust me; it was louder than the snoring of an old soldier from Anomabu.

It rained so heavily that no one dared to walk out of the building.

We were all stuck in the Central Classroom Block of KNUST and our dream of getting back to our hostels and halls came to naught.

I decided to walk to the entrance to check if the rain was stopping but it wasn’t.

As I stood there with my hands folded on my chest, she came to stand right beside me.

Did I hear you say who? Well, a pretty lady I had targeted since first year but never had the courage to approach her.

At that moment I told myself: ‘Felix there will be no other sterling opportunity to interact with this angelic damsel than today, so be bold and talk to her.’

As I made an attempt to approach her, I could feel my heart beat in my foot, my blood pressure if checked at that moment would have proven that I was living close to the margin of death.

But do I have to let this opportunity go away? No! I had been walking alone ever since I came to KNUST.

The only friends I had were those old friends from senior high school, and I went to a boys school, Presec-Legon.

So do the math.

Do I have to be walking alone always? Don’t I need a female friend?’ These and many other questions started racing in my head.

I started rehearsing what to tell her if I got to her.

I started poaching fleeting looks at her just to attract her attention.

Finally, I mastered the courage of Yaa Asantewaa. As I walk towards her, my legs started shaking, my bollocks shrunk and almost vanished but I never gave up.

‘Hello! My name is Ntenhene Felix. I fumbled and the Felix sounded like “Ferish”. I had to speak in tongues to regain my mind. Lordina was her name.

“Felix, how may I help you”? She asked me and I responded: “Oh nothing.”

Everything I had rehearsed vanished.

On opening my mouth, the only words that could come were: “Lordina, don’t you think it will be appropriate if the government of Ghana provides university students with umbrellas?”

She stared at me in an unusual way, which made me know that indeed I had asked a very silly question.
Like Kalybos would say,’ “me di nkwasia s3m”. I was totally off track.

The conversation proceeded and I kept asking silly questions and giving silly answers.

At the end we got to know each other and we exchanged contacts.

I got to know that she was my course mate and resided in Queens Hall.

As the conversation got deeper, a shuttle arrived and students started boarding it because the rain never showed any sign of stopping.

She requested that I should board the shuttle with her since I was also going to Republic Hall which was just a stone’s thrown from her hall.

I declined the request with the reason that I wanted to walk as a way of exercising my body but in reality, I had no pesewa in my pocket.

She insisted and I reluctantly agreed and boarded the shuttle.

As I sat in the car I almost felt I was travelling from Cape Three Points to Kulungugu - a journey between the Southern and Northern part of Ghana, how to handle the embarrassment should the driver ask me for my fare was what I was thinking about.

A few metres away from where I had to alight, I started searching through my pockets pretending I was about to pay for the fare.

After a thorough search, I just shouted “essssh my money is missing.”

Everyone in the shuttle turned to look at me. Lordina asked me “Felix, how much?” and I responded “oooh is actually a hundred dollar note.”

I told her not to worry and in a very kind way she paid for my fare.

I alighted at Republic Hall and as I walked to the entrance, I felt as if I was surrounded by 10 dwarfs.

In the morning, I received my first call from Lordina who said she just wanted to check up on me and would want me to assist her in studies.

I had to impress Lordina and so before we went to the library, I read through all my notes.

I was eager to show Lordina my mental prowess.

Memorisation of terms and formulas was the order of the day. As we were studying, she suddenly paused and asked me: “Felix what is the meaning of Rights to Euthanasia.”

I looked at her in dismay and said “Your honour, what is wrong with this girl?” I couldn’t even pronounce the word, to think about the meaning.

So I told her: “I don’t know please,” and she never asked me a question again till we closed from the library, not even a single question relating to the things I memorised.
I never gave up but continued to study with her. I almost felt like I was the best friend in the world. Within a space of time our friendship blossomed and we fell in love with each other. I always wanted to propose to her but inferiority complex was my greatest obstacle.
I decided to rather resort to expressing my love through actions instead of words. I began to flood her with precious gifts. I spent all my money on buying her pizza, ‘shawama’ and took her to lavish restaurants almost every weekend at a time when I couldn’t afford fish anytime I bought kenkey. I sometimes bought her expensive fruit juice and went to bed on an empty stomach.

It was a windy Saturday evening. We went to the library to study for our end of semester exams. As we were studying, dumsor visited us in a grand style.

The librarian ordered that we left the library because there was no assurance on the visiting hours of dumsor.

We were both unwilling to leave and sat in the dark at a very far end.

I turned and our eyes met; it was eye ball to eye ball. Our emotions hoisted and I held her hand. I became very emotional and unconsciously told her:
“Lordina I am in love with you” and in a very soft voice she replied, “Felix I love you too but hmmm…..the truth is that I am a mother of two children.”

My breath quickly dropped and my mind went shut.

So I asked her, “Pardon?” pretending I did not hear what she said.

You mean you are a ‘born two’?

I became frozen in my chair. The librarian told us to leave.

As I walk down the stairs, I missed almost every staircase.

We didn’t talk to each other till we departed at the Royal Parade Grounds.

I went to my room quietly; no amount of jokes could make me smile.

I couldn’t make it to church the following day and as I walked to my bed, I began to think about how to pay the GH¢1000 I borrowed from a friend to spend on Lordina.

The school fees I sacrificed to buy her an iPhone at a time when I was using a ‘Techiman Yam’ phone, I mean Nokia 3310N.

The more I thought about it the more I wanted the world to come to an abrupt end.

Do I have to let her go? Or it doesn’t matter if she had two kids already…these and many other questions bogged me down.

After a long, stressful day at work, you’re ready for some quality time with your significant other. What you do doesn’t matter; you just want to be around someone who loves and understands you. And then, your partner walks in the door, visibly exasperated from an equally high-stress day at the office — and desperate for some time alone. What just happened?

It’s natural for emotional wires to get crossed in an extrovert-introvert relationship. Both parties have important, albeit different needs: One of you feels most comfortable around people, and the other craves time alone. When these needs aren’t consistently being met, both of you might begin to feel resentful, frustrated, or straight-up misunderstood. And as the one who longs for time together, you may not know what to do.

A successful extrovert-introvert relationship starts with understanding. When you know and accept what your significant other needs, you can make adjustments to your expectations and create space for them to feel like themselves — which you’ll both benefit from. Curious about what steps to take? Here are a few thoughtful ways to ensure your introverted partner flourishes in a relationship with you.

Give your partner designated, planned time away.

When life gets busy, a lack of free time can feel like an emotional pile-on for an introvert. Understandably, it can be hard to watch your introverted partner shut themselves in the bedroom alone when you’re hungry for QT and conversation. But the truth is, giving your significant other a chance to invest in things they’re passionate about — or simply room to breathe — will help them recharge, resulting in a deeper long-term connection between the two of you. To make your introverted S.O. feel extra loved, pencil in routine solo time for them on the calendar.

Give them space during conflicts.

While you might be more prone to hash things out in the heat of the moment, introverts typically need more time to identify their feelings and process what’s happening beneath the surface before they can communicate effectively. Next time a conflict arises, take a deep breath and offer your partner a chance to step away if they aren’t ready to communicate about the issue at hand. Not only will your significant other have a much-needed chance to think through their feelings, but this space will also give you the opportunity to cool off, which means that a smoother, more productive conversation is much more likely.

Do things by yourself when you don’t need a plus one. 

As an extrovert, it’s easy to unleash unspoken expectations on an introverted partner, who may not always speak up about their own wants or needs. To maximize your connection — and show that you’re paying attention — think through parts of your routine that might be exhausting for your significant other. Do you mindlessly expect your partner to tag along to your after-work happy hoursor group fitness classeswhen you’d be perfectly fine alone? Or do you always plan tons of errands at busy stores on the weekend? Next time you plot an adventure or schedule an event, think about the emotional and social demand on your partner, and plan accordingly.

Alternate date night planning.

It may seem obvious, but to make sure your introverted partner has an equal stake in the relationship, give them plenty of opportunities to plan your dates or other activities you do together. Of course, the primary benefit is to give your partner a break from the social-focused dates you might choose. But putting your partner at the helm of date-night planning has other perks. You might be surprised what your introverted S.O. will come up with — and you’ll probably learn or experience something new about them (and yourself) along the way.

Ask what they need.

Personality isn’t always black and white; it’s a spectrum. That means not allintrovertshave the same needs. The best way — the only way — to figure out how to adapt to your S.O.’s needs is to ask questions. How much space would they benefit from, and when? What kinds of social situations are stressful for them, and which ones are fun? Once you’re on the same page about expectations, you can mold your relationship appropriately.

Don’t take things personally.

The biggest favor you can do for your introverted loved one is to assume the best about their intentions. If your S.O. doesn’t always jump at the chance for some one-on-one time with you, remember that it might have nothing to do with how much they love or value you. As long as you’re both communicating openly, you’ll continue to grow together so your relationship can thrive.